Paul McCartney, you dirty old rag picker, go the fuck back to your jazz standards and your millions upon millions of cash. Alternatively, this new one-time Nirvana could head off on a world tour with the new, non-heroin clouded, non-Layne Staley version of Alice in Chains. It could, and I’m going out on a limb here, be called the “Tarnished Legacies Tour”.

You see, recently – as recently as 12.12.12 (ugh) – the surviving members of Nirvana, i.e. Krist Novoselic, Dave Grohl, and Pat Smear, joined hands with Sir Paul McCartney to jam at a fundraiser, playing a new song called ‘Cut Me Some Slack’. Sure, it’s technically not a reunion, because Kurt Cobain blew his head off all those years ago, and they were just getting together to reminisce and raise some money for a good cause. But McCartney did in fact announce it as such, so that’s how I’ll treat it. And here’s some thoughts:

1. Not an iota of blame lies at the door of Grohl, Novoselic, or Smear, because A) I’m incredibly biased in their favour; they were just having some fun and reliving the old times with a different lefty vocalist/guitar player, and B) it’s McCartney’s fault; it just is.

2. McCartney, your senseless mentally challenged tiny retro square box guitar fucking sucks. Throw it away and use all that Beatles money and buy a real guitar.

3. Krist Novoselic appears to be quite well settled as an oversized sheep-rearing farmer with his bushy half beard and his balding pate. My guess is that Dave Grohl probably had to buy him a new bass guitar and a fleet of cows to talk him into playing with the guys again.

4. Staying on Novoselic for a bit longer, he wore a bright purple velvet shirt, which ably accompanied his fluorescent green pants. Being a pioneering fashionista of the ’90s, he contributed to a style that spawned an entire fashion movement called ‘grunge’. Let’s just hope his 2012 look doesn’t quite catch on.

5. In the past 20 years, has anyone ever seen Pat Smear not smiling? I haven’t. I think it’s probably because he’s just glad he doesn’t have to worry about what Darby Crash is going to do next. He’s all podgy and unpunk-like in appearance now, but the man still plays each note on the guitar like he really means it.

6. Dave Grohl…so much’s been said. Let’s just stick to the fact that he’s the coolest musician ever. The only person in the world that could possibly hate him is his bloodied mess of a drum kit (and all those people he fired from the Foo Fighters and all those drummers who preceded Grohl in Nirvana…oh, well). And on top of that, turns out his directorial debut, Sound City, is most likely brilliant too. Maybe he just needs to take a chill pill for a bit, is all, and leave something for the rest of them too.

7. ‘Cut Me Some Slack’ is – and I hate to admit this – not all that bad, minus the bluesy solo overdose. Let’s just assume that McCartney had absolutely nothing to do with the writing of the song.

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